So, at the point the large majority of you will be reading this post I will have changed my name on all of my social media. I am doing this before my legal name change because I don't want to do the change during the middle of starting my business. In addition to that, I just enjoy using my new name much more. Morgan has just always felt wrong to me.
So I've put a lot of thought into getting a name change. For a long time it just didn't seem like it was something I could validate doing. I don't really know why I thought this. I think it may have been because my family never took stuff like this seriously. They never seem to think of an identity as something you can choose to change. They don't seem to understand that being seen how you want to be seen is something everyone deserves. Plus, the momentary aspect of it always kinda scared me.
My given name is Morgan. This name never seemed right to me. It never fit. It always felt ugly coming out of my mouth. I have never really been in a place where I felt pretty. My name never really helped. It was just another ugly aspect of my personality. I don't want my name to make me feel that way anymore. Its kinda silly, but I also just wanted a short version of my name. I wanted to have a longer, more elaborate, beautiful name that I could use formally and a short version. Mazikeen (Maze) gives me that.
Past just my personal preference, there has been a lot of mental damage following me around. My name is just part of that. Being bullied at school and being mentally abused at home made me want to cease to exist. That was also related to my name. Unfortunately I never felt myself as Morgan. I just wanted to destroy her.
Another strange aspect that didn't make my name my own was that I know so many other people named Morgan. It always just felt like I wasn't doing a Morgan right. It was never an identity that belonged to me. I wanted a name that was mine. Or at the very least a name I didn't share with a large percentage of my generation.
So, the next question may be why Mazikeen? Why such an old biblical related name? Why a name linked to Lucifer through comics and TV?
Well, first of all I like old things. Mazikeen has this older vibe to it. It just is beautiful to me! I also feel Lucifer is misunderstood. I feel that characters that are painted as "bad guys" just get a bad wrap. Plus Mazikeen's character has so much depth. She is a very strong individual, but she still has feelings. I relate to her, and I just think the way her character is portrayed is a win for women in general. Besides, this perhaps controversial choice of name will help me weed out the people who aren't worth my time in life. People who can't accept others for who they are simply aren't worth knowing. The type of people who think they know who you should be are so often the people who can hurt you the most. Hanging around with people who make you feel bad about yourself is not healthy. It is not worth the sacrifice to your mental health. If people cant deal with my name, that's just too bad for them. I know this maybe seems like a mean approach, but I've had so many people try to tell me who to be, I know from experience that it is not worth the pain.
It is time for me to decide who I want to be. It is time to stop letting other people define me. I am making myself into who I want to be. I am taking control of my own life. It is time to live for myself instead of others. I am making my own future instead of leaving it to others. I encourage others to do the same. Not particularly to just change their names, but to move on from the past. I will not let my past to continue to define my present. The first step for me is changing my name. As I move forward with this new phase of my life I hope I can inspire others to move past their pasts as well, and create the future that they want.
This is a huge step for me. I hope that you can all support this new choice. I know this change wont be instantaneous, but I know it is for the better.
